Latest anxiety brain nonsense

Originally posted on Tumblr

Been having some thoughts about my specific brand of anxiety brain lately. Sometimes it feels like an ever evolving exercise in self torture. Sometimes I feel like I am in a game of wackamole w/ negative thoughts.

Current example: If I feel even a lil hurt/upset about something someone says or does (which is NBD and a normal part of life) and I then do anything (no matter how appropriate/not rude) to call it out in response, the ON LOOP thing in my brain for DAYS after is “they hate me…”

So I will try to take a breath and calmly review the situation and try to “fact check” my negative thoughts (thanks therapy). I’ll be like “ok, well, this actually started w/ MY feelings being hurt, but it was all fine in the end. And I don’t hate them, so they prob don’t hate me”

And that helps for a moment. Just a moment. Then I’ll get absorbed back in work or reading or what have you and more normal brain comes back and she gets engaged in life. And she is fine for a bit, but gimme 2 hours and then all of a sudden I’m back in a “they hate you…they for SURE hate you” FULL ON tailspin.

It. Is. Exhausting.

Anxiety brain doesn’t care that the other person probably hasn’t thought about this for days at this point. Anxiety brain doesn’t even consider that maybe I was right to stand up for myself. Anxiety brain thinks everyone hates me. So that’s what anxiety brain says.

So I take another breath. Try to fact check again. Play wackamole for another round. And eventually…eventually anxiety brain always moves on. She may shove that memory into my life for a fun throw back moment 10 years from now at random. But eventually she always moves on.