Comparison

Originally posted on Tumblr

The older I get, the more I’m fully convinced that social comparison thinking is both 1) inevitable and 2) dangerous.

I know that for myself, no matter how much I am aware that comparing myself to others and feeling like I’m coming up short is counterproductive to my overall mental health and well-being, I can’t turn it off 100%. I’m sure that this neural pattern served some purpose in my ancestor’s survival, but it sure as fuck ain’t serving me now.

So instead of getting in a shame spiral beating myself up about why I can’t stop comparing myself and feeling even more shit, I’ve shifted toward reminding myself that this just means that someone, somewhere is thinking of me like this, too.

I offer this to you in case it will help anyone else: When you feel at your worst about yourself, just try to remember that someone else is thinking of you as their goal for something too… maybe it’s your drawing skills, or your air of confidence, or you academic achievements, or your skills in navigating relationships, or your sense of style, or your humor, or your career path, or your ease in meeting new people, or your strong relationship w/ your beloved pet. I’m not saying sit around thinking of who you’re better than…but I am saying try thinking about what someone else would admire about you.

Sometimes it is just helpful to understand that we’re all impacted by the experience of being human. (This is closely related to the “embracing common humanity” practice of self-compassion, which you can learn more about here.)