Misogyny never sleeps
Something incredible happened. Biden has won the election, and in an act of underscoring 45’s growing irrelevance to US politics, the world is moving onto the transition without his concession even needing to occur. BYEEEEEEEE SUPREME LEADER WANNA BE.
I’m as skeptical as they come about the Biden/Harris agenda, for someone who voted for them. I know what they’ve been talking about on the national stage is infinitely more moderate than what my lefty self thinks we want and need. Insert every comment I have about the work just starting, how I will NOT be complacent as I was in the second Obama term, etc., etc. But damn, if it doesn’t feel good to have repudiated that past regime.
One of the best things to celebrate in this moment is that WE HAVE A WOMAN VICE PRESIDENT ELECT! As I tweeted, “A little perspective this morning on magnitude of Kamala Harris’ achievement......I am 36. Geraldine Ferraro was the first VP nominee in the election the year I was born but we only now have an actual female VP elect. This country’s issues with women in leadership run D E E P.”
On Saturday, I was overjoyed to hear the message that VP Harris had for girls about their own ambitions. I made a little graphic and put it up on all of my socials.
Image text: Purple, gradient text quote that reads: “While I may be the first woman in this office I will not be the last. Dream with ambition. Lead with conviction. And see yourself in a way that others may not...Know we will applaud you every step of the way.”
I want girls to hear this.
Girls need to see this moment. They need to feel SEEN by this moment.
They need to feel the invite into the world of national leadership. They need to see this VP saying, “Yes, I did, and now I’m holding the door open for you.”
They need to believe in their inherent worthiness.
They need to know that they are seen as more than their bodies.
Do you remember how 45 talks about women? They need to hear VP 46 talking like THIS about women.
It felt so good to hear and see a Black, South Asian-American Woman say these words on the national political stage and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. And as someone who has spent all 15 years of my professional career in feminist nonprofit work seeking to break down sexist stereotypes and build up women and girls, this was a moment worth shining a celebratory light on, no question.
I posted the pic on public, and I was actually surprised that over a day passed with no shitty, snide comment from some embittered 45 stan. But that surprise didn’t last…when I woke up this morning, there was a comment on it from my childhood school bus driver (oh god, WHY did I add this person??) who had said:
And just remember, there’s nothing you can’t achieve if you find the right bed to get into.
I was so grossed out and embarrassed that I immediately blocked her and deleted the comment. I was mortified at the idea that anyone would see something so grossly sexist (and knowing this person, racist) on my post (I’ve got a “girl power” brand going on, ya know.) I regret in my haste that I didn’t grab a screenshot so that I could ensure that I share this woman’s venomous misogyny word for word, but I’m 99% sure I’ve captured it correctly.
But why capture it correctly? Because I am certain that this is among the first of a disturbing wave of misogyny that I will observe unfolding.
In the year 2020, this is the kind of response FROM ANOTHER WOMAN to a female VP. (I want to insert a shady comment here about, ESPECIALLY given who “their” first lady has been for the past 4 years, but I digress.) I literally don’t even have to go down the rabbit hole of “no one would say this about a man” because it’s laughably obvious and trite to even. We’ve had 45 male Vice Presidents and I’ve sure as hell never heard anyone imply that any of them got their seat for sexual favors.
There are SO MANY REASONS that we have to continue to be vigilant. The past 4 years have surfaced the ugliest and seediest of the American underbelly. And of the many seeds in that underbelly—some real basic misogynistic shit is there. It’s telling us lies, questioning female leadership abilities, and promoting ideas like my fucking childhood school bus driver. The misogyny truly runs deep and it never sleeps and misogynoir in specific is only going to increase in the upcoming years as a black woman helps lead this nation in such a visible and powerful way. Need anyone be reminded about how Michelle Obama was treated as first lady? Now imagine those same people with a black woman holding an OFFICIAL (properly recognized and paid) leadership role in the government.
When I think about the average 45 supporter, I am aware that perhaps what terrifies them most is that a black woman is about to be one heartbeat away from being the most powerful person in the world. This (nonsensically) feels like an existential threat to the folks who have been slurping the sludge of White Supremacist Patriarchy for years. They will not be able to operate without expressing their bigotry, hoping to tear her down in every way they can—like implying she slept her way to the top. Anyone who gives a shit about gender equity or even just basic human dignity is going to have to join me in steeling our spines for a battle. We are going to have to be ready to defend VP Harris against what will most likely be the most vile and disturbing misogyny and misogynoir. If there was ever a time to take a rest and kick up our feet, it was NOT now. (And if you’re a lefty like me, you’re going to have to balance tenaciously defending her against racist and sexist hate, while simultaneously offering critique of the ways that Biden/Harris policies need to do more.)
But before that even, how can you steel your spine to defend someone who you hold hate for in your own heart? I look around me in my everyday life, and I see men exercising their power in ways that hurt women in micro and macro ways at every turn. So many men are so hungry to claim they are one of the good ones that they forget to do the actual work inside themselves to actually BECOME one of the good ones. Men will literally trip over themselves trying to talk about how nonsexist they are, that they don’t even notice the women THEY are trample over in the process. And misogyny is so baked into our frameworks and mindsets, that often its biggest offenders are women themselves, like my ole bus driver up there. The allure of aligning yourself with men and being “not like those other women” is tempting and tasty…I get it. I was taught from literal day one to make fun of women to gain cache with men. I thank the universe every day that by the time I was 21, I landed in a world made up of almost entirely of powerful, supportive women and I started to unravel my worshipping at the altar of the patriarchal messages. Men (as an entity) are so largely irrelevant to my everyday life that I can almost forget……..they are still running E V E R Y T H I N G.
I’m tired and waking up to sexist venom exhausts me even more. But I have no plans to back down because I can just see with total clarity that VP Harris is going to need every person like me to push back against this crap with everything I’ve got. I’m ready. Misogyny never sleeps, but I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac. I’m here to back you up, Madam VP Elect!