Bi bi bi
So here’s the thing: I’m bi. Anyone who pays attention to my reblogs knows that. Everyone I am close to knows that.
I’ve always been bi but I haven’t always known it (thanks, compulsory heterosexuality!) But before I had even fully understood myself, I fell deeply in love w/ my partner. (I was 18.) He is the person for me…he makes me indescribably happy and balances me and challenges me and supports me. There isn’t a day that I am not endlessly thankful for him. So I built a life as a young adult who assumed she was straight and found her forever partner very young.
Around 26-27 I began to understand my own identity better. I realized that not everyone has some level of attraction to people of different genders. The more I read, the more I was honest with myself. I began to realize that I’d had crushes on girls as a kid but I’d never allowed myself to fully think of them as such.
Like I said, anyone who matters to me knows this stuff already. And shit, even people I don’t say it to explicitly shouldn’t be surprised with how I talk about the celebrity women I love 😊 But I never “came out” and I don’t talk about it much. My life sometimes feels like the total epitome of “bi erasure.” I am so often assumed to be straight and I so often can’t correct that. Truth be told, it affords me unearned safety in many situations.
Anyway, I feel VERY weird talking about stuff like the shooting in Orlando (like on Facebook for example). It’s a timely example for me but a constant struggle. I’m not sure how to navigate talking about all this in a way that is productive and doesn’t appear to be talking out of turn…without fully outing myself.
Part of my brain is like “OWN IT!! Be visible and unapologetic and an example!!!” and the other part of my brain is afraid, ashamed, and feels like I’m not “queer enough” or whatever.
Honestly Tumblr has been so important in my self discovery and journey. There are SO MANY helpful posts shared here about this stuff. I’m obviously still a work in progress. Just feeling reflective about it all today.